A brief summary of my summer:

"From what I think, you seem to be repressing a lot of feelings."
"Oh, believe me.  You were not there two months ago.  

After Phuc broke up with me, I was a hot fucking mess, I was really bad.  I cried for hours everyday.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, because I kept thinking about him.  I mean, he crushed my heart.  It was out of the blue, and he just completely broke my heart.  I mean, it's hard shit.  I loved him for five and a half years.  He was my first boyfriend and the first boy that I've ever loved.  So trust me, I didn't repress anything.  I don't repress anything.  Everything I felt and everything I feel is real.

Because life was never going to stop just because I'm sad.  The guy made an asshole move, and broke up with me right before I moved back to Merced, right before the first day of my new internship, so I was pretty much thrown off a cliff.  My life was practically starting over.  And I didn't want to spend my first week at my internship just moping my heart out.  That's a really shitty first impression.  So I decided that I was going to boss, and I just never lost that momentum.  I didn't have very many friends at Merced, so I knew that if I didn't make friends, then I would be going through this break-up by myself.  So the main reason that I socialized more was so that I wouldn't go through my break-up alone, but those grew into very sincere friendships.  And I just kept on at the bossin'.

So I guess when I say, 'I'm not that torn up about it anymore,' I'm phrasing it wrong.  It's more like, I'm not that torn up about it anymore compared to before. But still, it's not even close.  It's night and day.  Which I feel like is a lot to say after three months out of such a long and important relationship.  Don't get me wrong, it's hard shit, but I've accomplished a lot since then.  I've experienced a lot.  I've created a lot of new memories.  I've gotten a lot done.  I'm a stronger person now, and I'm a better person now."

And so concludes one of the most life-changing summers of my life.  

Tomorrow, fall semester begins.  

But by no means is my journey over.  The change?  The hard work?  The emotional improvement, the academic improvement, the mental improvement, the social improvement?  The ambition?  The zeal?  The climb?  The determination?

Those are never over.