There's a memory waking up,
but it's never gonna reach you.
- Cut Copy
-+-
When did time start moving in slow motion?
At the drop of a hat, time started trudging along at a snail's pace. It's barely nine in the evening, but it feels like four in the morning. For almost three months, so much life was surrounding me and coming down on me, that I couldn't keep up with myself. My feet were leagues ahead of my mind. Everyday, I was so restless. I just wanted to be in the world, I just wanted my brain to be teeming with new memories. Days, weeks, months just passed right by me. There just wasn't time for a single slow moment. There was too much life happening, too much movement, too much change. Both the sun and the moon just couldn't keep up with me.
Then once upon a time, I overstepped my own ambition. I went into the lion's den, and it devoured me.
And then time stopped.
I'm not used to sitting around like this. I can hardly recall the last time that I was so idle. Suddenly, after weeks and weeks of never having enough hours in the day, I've been stricken with a wave of lethargy. I've been fighting it: I've referred to my friends, I've been working it off at the gym, I've caught up with old shows, I've been diving into old hobbies (e.g. baking + a hearty round of boba and shopping). Yet time continues to move so slowly. It's frustrating as hell. I've spent the last several days sincerely wondering, "The day isn't over yet?" or "Really, it's only _ o'clock?" It would be barely 10 P.M. and I would decide to go to sleep simply because I didn't feel like being awake anymore.
Ugh. I'm sick of just sitting around and twiddling my thumbs. Maybe it's a good thing that school is starting soon, after all. Because I'm pretty sick of being stuck in this hole in the ground. Goddamn. The shame is, while time can stop and piss me off all it wants, there's definitely no winding it back. I'm just going to have to truck on, add to my hearty repertoire of hardships, and just get over it.
Fuck, Christa. You're so frustrating sometimes.