August 13, 2011

• "Muffin Break"

  Now the roots are reminiscing.
  Recurring dreams of minor chords,
  metered time;
  muted chimes find the beat.

  - Maria Taylor

  -+-

  I'm going to take a break.

  The last two months have been extraordinarily strenuous, yet enormously fulfilling.

  Sometimes, things just suck.  Easy and simple as that.  They suck.  Frankly, I was thrown off a cliff two months ago, and found myself at the bottom of my life.  But for the last two months, I've been clawing my way back up.  My fingers bled to the bone, but goddamn it, I'm making it.  And I'm going to just keep climbing, until I find myself on much higher mountains that I've never reached before.  I have my eyes on the stars, and I'm going to go for them, and if I fall, then damn it, I'll fall trying.

  For the last two months, people keep telling me that it's okay to be sad.  They always told me that it's okay to take a few days, a few weeks, even a few months to just entertain my sadness and cry on my own shoulder.  I never listened.  I never listened, and I'm okay with that.  Instead, I just worked towards improving myself from day one.   And two months later, my footsteps are starting to form everywhere.  But I'm not going to stop there.  I'm going to keep moving until I'm building skyscrapers.  I learned that New Christa (unlike Old Christa), well, she's not full of bullshit.  She just doesn't waste time.  She's a fighter.  I've worked hard for where I am now.

  In fact, I think I just got kicked out of the lab today... for working too hard.  I told everyone today that I would be taking some time off for the next few days.  And I was going to just hang out today, finish my chores and type up my protocols until the end of the work day, but instead, my lab manager just yelled at me, "CHRISTA I SWEAR, GET OUT OF HERE AND START YOUR BREAK," so he and my post-doc pretty much just made me stop working and go home!

  I left the lab in absolute smiles and laughter.  It was my first time feeling very joyous over getting thrown out of somewhere.  I've been working hard, and little did I know: it shows.  I told my lab manager I was leaving, and while he's normally a total hardass to me, he just gave me the proudest smile, "Good." 

  And it's actually going to be really weird next week, not being in the lab on a weekday.  For the last two months, I've been in the lab for about fifty hours a week minimum, sixty hours a week optimum, even though I was committed to only forty hours a week through my internship, and even though my internship already ended last Friday.  I'm currently the only person in my program that's still working in the lab.

  But today, I'm going to take a break. 

  I've come a long way these past nine weeks, and I daresay that I deserve it.  I'm going to take a break from fighting, I'm going to take a break from climbing, and I'm going to take a few days to just…

  chill out.

  c:

  • 2:23 am
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