As of today, Phuc and I have been broken up for a month.

But rather than some typical heartbroken post, I think this is a great opportunity to talk about the new love of my life.

I don't say it enough, because I've normally been using this site as a place to just rant about the bad shit going on, but things have just been going really well.  And there's one main reason for that.  As thankful as I am for all the people that have been so caring towards me, and for the many friends that I have made in the last month, "socializing" and me have our hits and misses.  But there's one thing that in my life has been consistently making everyday just amazing for me without fail.  One thing that has just has me head over heels in love for the past two weeks.  That's my lab.

DID I PUNK U? OHOHOHO shut up i'm endearing

But I am just in love with my research lab, and I haven't even started my personal project yet -- although, I finally will be this Monday!  But there's just no time to think about Phuc when I'm thinking about the protein markers in hematopoietic stem cells.  There's no space to wonder about heartbreak when my focus is devoted towards splitting cell culture plates.  When I am looking at those little cells under the microscope, they're just my entire world.  All the love that I put towards Phuc, I am now putting towards this research.

When I applied to the lab, I knew it would be a good experience, and I was hoping that I would at least like it.  But I didn't expect how much I have just fallen in love with it.  The lab and I, we had a shaky start.  I mentioned before that on my first day of lab, no one knew that I was joining the lab.  The principal investigator was out of town, my post-doc was on vacation, but I was still told to come in last Monday.  But no one else was told that I'd be coming.  So, I found out that they thought I was dumped onto them.  They were bitter at my post-doc for leaving me to the rest of them, and it was deflected onto me.  I was just thrown into the lab, and all of the sudden, I was the responsibility of the remaining graduate students.  And training undergraduates is time-consuming and strenuous.  While they were as welcoming as they could be, handling me was a groaner, because I just wasn't their responsibility.  But over the past two weeks, everyone increasingly realized how enthusiastic I am for the lab.  Instead of still thinking of me as their burden, I've been increasingly utilized as a real resource in the lab.  They tell me, "Yeah, we have undergraduates that are clearly just going through the motions," with clear implications that I'm not one of them.  And let me tell you, I am not one of them.  I really want to be there.  I really want to learn everything about everything.  I really want to contribute to the projects, I really want to know that whatever their results are, I made a contribution there.  Someday, there will be groundbreaking discoveries in stem cell research, and whether that's a year from now or after I die, my footprints are being made in the steps towards that discovery.  It's unreal to me.  When I put that lab coat on, I feel like I'm in a fairy tale.  I will admit that for the great majority of my education, I have been going through the motions.  There have been some good classes, but for the most part, I have just been getting the grades and just getting through it.  But when I'm sitting in that tissue culture room, there is no where else in the world that I would rather be.  Except maybe Disneyland.

I hope this feeling never ends.

And it's showing.  I explode with joy every time that one of the lab members tell me, "You're doing a really great job, Christa."  It's not often, but when they tell me, it's real, and it's sincere.  Whenever they tell me, I feel like the world has stopped for a beat.  I've definitely had a lot of great moments in the past month, but there's something just so explosive about learning that they think I'm doing well in the lab.  It really just makes me want to learn more.  And it's so amazing to me.  I want to excel in this lab.  I met their star undergraduate on my second day in the lab.  He had just graduated, and it was his last week in the lab.  He spent his last week teaching me how to plate cells.  And he was just absolutely stellar.  He was amazing.  I want to be him, but better.  I want to be their star undergraduate.  I want to be the best undergraduate that they have ever had, and I want them to exchange stories about my contributions to the lab after I leave.  I don't want to just leave a mark on this lab, I want to use a bulldozer on it.

There's this great balance between the lab members, and they've all just been so nice to me for the last two weeks.  It's not enough to learn the science.  You have to learn the people, because communication is so huge.  I saw my sister this past weekend, and all I could do all weekend was talk about my lab and the people in my lab.  The more I described my research associate to her, the more we realized that I have a Dr. Cox in my life.  YEAH, SCRUBS!  He's really rubbing off on me, and it's hardly been two weeks.  All of his sharp sarcasm, the way that he winks when he's explaining something, the way he nods his head with huge amounts of enthusiasm, the way he complains about everything with a groan that can be heard across the room.  He's been calling me "rookie" and gives me all of these long, fast talks about really random shit that I can never follow but it's all really entertaining.  I've spent a lot of time working with almost everyone in the lab, but he's the only one whose characteristics are being incorporated into daily Christa activities.  And we emulate the people that we're fond of, so I guess I'm a regular J.D.  Hugely critical, arrogant guy, yet he is just really cool and carries himself with a lot of swag.  "God, rookie, what are you doing!!!!"  And each time he gives me some tough love, I'm just really satisfied.  Every time, I just feel like I'm part of the lab.

The reason why I believe in my potential, the reason I believe that I can work towards an amazingly bright future, the reason why I feel like a total boss in the midst of heartbreak, the reason why I really believe that I have something really good going for me, the reason why life has been feeling just overall awesome, is no doubt hugely because of this lab.  Let me tell you, they just really inflate my ego there.  And I cannot emphasize this enough, but that's really saying something considering how low my self-esteem is.  I used to spend day in and day out just feeling like I'm the most useless, worthless, horrible girl in the entire world.  But, man.  The way that I was assigned to the only post-doc in the lab.  The way that the graduate students are actually competing over having me as their undergraduate.  The way that I'll be one of the few undergraduates in my lab to work with our principal investigator.  The way that I'm going to have an cell culture incubator all to myself.  The way that I'm going to be working with the first cell line of its kind in the entire university.  The way that I've been here only two weeks, but I'm already teaching other undergraduates how to do things in the lab, who have been in this lab for more than a month longer than me.  I mean, I already feel like a total freakin' scientist when I'm in the biosafety cabinet feeding cells, let alone all of this craziness!  Are they actually trusting me with this shit?  Clearly they don't know that I'm a huge klutz!  But I've been here two weeks, and they have such huge expectations and so much belief in me.  And I do wonder, can I really do all of this?  I guess we'll have to see.

I always thought I was unspectacular, I always thought I was just another ordinary average girl, and being in this lab has been one of the first real times that I have realized that I'm actually a pretty smart cookie.  I mean, is it just me, or are these responsibilities that they wouldn't entrust to just any ordinary average girl?  This is the first time in years that I've really wondered: am I actually more than just an ordinary girl?  I always thought that Phuc would leave me for someone less plain than me, because I always thought of myself as just another face in the crowd.  For months, my sister has been telling me that I'm a big deal, but I never believed it for a second, until I became part of this lab.  The way that these lab members really believe in me, the way that they are trusting me to play a role in these huge experiments, could I actually be... spectacular?  

Well, then it would be my pleasure to meet and exceed all expectations.