I'm having that problem where I just miss Phuc like hell.
Maybe it's the rain reminding me of the first time we kissed in the rain, where we were under his umbrella but he moved it out of the way on purpose just to kiss me in the rain. Maybe it's because Adele playing on iTunes is apparently super depressing. Maybe it's because today is the 28th -- my first 28th without Phuc in more than five and a half years. But in any case, I'm sitting on my bedroom floor, feeling defeated. I miss Phuc. I miss him like hell.
It's hard, y'know? We made a lot of memories together. More than five years of memories. I spent a quarter of my entire life with him. It's really hard to shop now. I went to the store the other day, and I wanted this iced tea drink, but I couldn't get it because I thought of him. I wanted the honey berry bread but that's the kind of bread that Phuc likes. All of the wide breads made me think of him actually, because he only likes wide bread. I wonder if Phuc goes through the same thing, where he sees something and it makes him think of me. Then he can't buy it anymore because he knows that if he buys it, he'll think of me every time he sees it in his pantry. Or if he thinks of me whenever he sees the shitload of food that I literally left in his pantry that I still need to retrieve. It's hard shit to deal with. I never knew what break-ups involve, but apparently it involves seeing him just everywhere. I see him when I look at the moles on my face ("the slope of your face is 3!"), I see him when I walk through the stationary section of the store ("your letters are the best part of my day"), I see him whenever I see soft and chewy cookies ("oh..my..GOD THESE ARE THE BEST!!"). I see him when I spot a bunny ("i took pictures of bunnies at work to show you!"), I see him whenever my hair is frizzy ("afro!!") and I see him whenever I lie on my pillow at night, closing my eyes and remembering how it felt to lie next to him.
It's the 28th, and I just really miss him. I'm always checking my phone to see if I missed a call from him. But he never calls. I'm always waiting for the day that my phone vibrates, and it's finally him. But it never is. I always just wonder, when will Phuc ever talk to me again? But I hate it, because I know it'll be so awkward, when I have so many things to tell him. I just want to talk to him like all those days that I'd come home from class and tell him about how my day went, and we'd call each other "honey bunny" and "bunny boo," but I know I can't anymore because we're not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. And I hate it and it makes me cry so much knowing that we'll never call each other by those cute stupid immature sincere nicknames again. I used to be his special bunny. And I'm not anymore. And that tears me apart. I wonder if he's thinking of me today too, on what used to be our 28th.
I just really miss Phuc right now.