It's been about a week since Phuc broke up with me, and I just wanted to articulate how thankful I am of the support and concern about me that some people have been sharing. This definitely would have been even closer to impossible without everyone that's been carrying me through this.
I think one of the stupidest things I did recently was buy honey for $12 today. I mean, it's awesome, it's definitely this amazing flavor of honey that's locally grown and totally organic, super smooth, the whole nine yards. It's just that I don't even really use honey. I've used honey so scarcely in my everyday life. It's good honey, but what am I really going to do with this? In any case, I guess I'm gonna start using honey.
The other idiotic thing I do is sometimes visit Phuc's tumblr. I know it's dumb and I kick myself in the face every time I do it. But it's literally the only venue in any form in the entire universe left that I know of where he and I have any overlap. I really don't know if he goes anywhere that I've been. For all I know, he thinks I'm moving on just swimmingly. Get it? It's a joke, 'cos I'm not. LOL. I'm so pitiful. But I was about to come here and just cry and cry, "omg i'm dead to him, he doesn't remember that i existed at all, i'm so sad and lonely" but come on, Christa. Really? Equally I'd like to say that he still deeply cares and he's truly rattled by the apparent necessity to break up with me, but I really don't know anything about him anymore. All I know is that he does at least seem very happy in his new life without me. Honestly, unless he's posting up really wild shit on Facebook, at least in the online atmosphere, he doesn't seem like he skipped a single beat. I definitely won't go as far as to proclaim that I meant nothing to him, but it does always just make me step back a little to see him just not lose a single step over breaking up with me. Of course, maybe I'm wrong or maybe I nailed it on the head, I wouldn't know, I'm just not in his life anymore. I'm sure it's happened in a lot of break-ups, where I'm losing an arm and a leg over here, and he just seems fine. It's weird. I know I happened, I happened for almost six years, but honestly, sometimes it seems like I didn't. And it's just really weird.
There's another reason why I am infinitely stupider but I'll mention that later.
But I'm running out of time. So TL;DR, I suck. LOL.
well played, soldier.