..I<3Phuc.  x 5. 

In a young child's school workbook:

"If I could live during any period of time in history I would choose year 2000 because that was before the war."

Hey kids.

Happy anniversary to Joeve and Daniel! 

In an ironic twist of events, I'm apparently moving back to Elk Grove after four and a half months in Sacramento.  The parents simply cannot stand the train, and they don't want to go through any complications on my attendance at MTHS.  So woot.  Gonna be in the old house again.  The con is that my room will become half the size it is now, haha.

I've completely forgotten about ALL my homework and studying because of the relaxing and easygoing days in Advocacy.  There's a speech final tomorrow that I have no idea what I'm going to do with and some basketball stuff that I'm totally blanking out on.  Guess who's cramming?  Guess.

Yet for all the reasons in the world, this has been a very good week.  xD

Fight the power.

Today's lesson: Follow instinct.

he's spinning in my head like a revolving door

Bye for now.

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly, even only sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily. (just you wait, phuc)
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I've had braces.
[ ] I wear contacts
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I've had children.
[  ] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed a class last year.
[x] I've stolen something from my job (from school. paperclips and rubber bands<3. tee hee.  rofl, i'm quite the rebel.)
[x] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public

Health

[ ] I was born with a disease/illness.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[?] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. (HAVE I?!)
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've been an abuse victim.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle. (not for kissing, though. for violent poking.)
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights. (i so want to check this)
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone. (really wussy pranks)
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships

[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper. (there's not been much dumping, period.)
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of commitment.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I love to flirt.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've been hugged by a stranger
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test. (woe, that first grade spelling quiz!)
[  ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted. (too much candy from the free candy bowl. i'm such a sinner.)

Drugs/Alcohol

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[x] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I'm a stoner.
[ ] I've snorted cocaine.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[x] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.                                                                      [x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose
[  ] I'm addicted to self harm
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[ ] I see a therapist.

Death and Suicide

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[x]I've seen someone dying.
[x]Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x]Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Political/Social Attitudes

[ ] In general, I don't like people.
[x] I'm a feminist.
[ ] I'm very outgoing.
[x] I listen to political music.
[x] I'm Democratic.
[ ] I'm Republican.
[ ] I'm liberal.
[x] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[x]I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I'm religious. (i used to be/i sometimes like to convince myself that i am, though)
[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random

[ ] I can sing well. (at least i used to.)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. (i should.)
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[x] I love being neat (though i can't do it >.>)
[x] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well. (or try to)
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x] I like Martha Stewart. (just that tomato collection of her's)
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[never ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] My answers are totally honest

Do you like chinese food?
Love it!

How big is your bed?
Twin sized.

Is your room clean?
HAHA.  That's a joke.

Favorite comedians?
Rex Navarette, admittedly John Heffron and that.. Gary guy.

Do you smoke?
Nuu.

Does anyone like you?
He loooooves me. 

Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?
I have no idea.

Sleep with or without clothes on?
Half.  I'm not going to clarify any more on that.

Who sleeps with you every night?
My ducky.  And sometimes my cat.

Do long distance relationships work?
I try to convince myself that they do.  Everyone all goddamn proving me wrong..

Pancakes or French Toast?
Both.  Please.

Do you like coffee?
Yes'm.

How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled with ketchup and a pinch of salt.

Do you believe in astrology?
Yes.

last person you talked to on the phone?
Phuc

McDonalds or Burger King?
McDonald's.

Number of pillows?
Two, and then that weird.. triangle one that i never use.

Last thing you ate?
Yogurt and granola.

Last thing you bought?
Lunch.

What are you hearing right now?
Dan Castellaneta's grand "D'oh!"

What kind of jelly do you like on your PB&J sandwich?
Iuno.  Boysenberry sounds cool, though.

Can you play pool?
Yes, and very pathetically, at that.

Do you know how to swim?
Kind.. of..

Favorite ice cream
As long as it's ice cream.  I wuv Cookies 'n' Cream and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, though.

Tell me a random fact:
I used to collect popsicle sticks and then made a tiny popsicle stick cabin.

Ever attend a theme party?
Yes'm.  Hawaiian.  I wore my Vertigo shirt.  Me=rebel.  xDDD

Ever do a keg stand?
I don't even know what that is.  So no.

Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking?
My bed.  After a sip of my parent's wine.  Omfg, hardcore.

What is your favorite season?
Winter.  I'm biased because of my birthday in January.

What is the first music video you ever saw?
Um.  I can't recall.  Maybe Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell".

Last time you laughed at something stupid?
Phuc wussy whapped me and then I wussy whapped myself.  My god.  I can't believe I did that.  We both laughed for a while at that.

Wake up next to anyone?
Next to my parents when I was little, and next to Phuc after that grand two-minute nap.

Best thing about winter?
Christmas + my birthday. 

Name a couple of favorite colors?
Green, Orange, and Yellow.

How old are you?
Fifteen.

What month is your birthday ?
January.

Favorite Dave Matthews Band song (if you have one)?
I don't know.  Um.  ::checks iTunes:: "The Space Between."

What are you doing this weekend?
Eat and watch Simpsons.  Oh, that's the life.

Tee hee.  Blast to the past.

Is it love?

It is love. It can't be anything else. You're in love, you're in love with being in love, love is BEAUTIFUL! You truly adore the person that you love and you're willing to do anything for them. Love is beautiful, love is pure, love is just generally grand. Good for you!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Good morning, citizens of the audience.

Things weren't lively for a while, and when they suddenly were, I started to go online less.  Dun dun dunnnn.  So things are okay now, but in a weird way; I should be at least a little sad.  I spent all day laughing and smiling.  I pulled a slick "Don't hit me.. I'll hit me." this morning that made me laugh enough that I cried a little, hahah.

Just came back from Awards Night at Monterey Trail High.  It was spiffy and all, but what I would really like to do is take a moment to note how good the chocolate cupcakes were.  Thank you, Miz Gallagher.  Hahah, on the way home, my dad and I were talking about eating healthier for a while, and then suddenly, we bought Big Macs.  We're so good.

Doramarama strikes back!  I'm not even IN San Jose, yet San Jose has been biting my ass.  That is a great way to put it.  I'm kiiidddiiinnngggg, I love the town in GENERAL.  It feels like I'm in high school there, going through the strenuous process of rumors and gossip, rather than roughly 150 miles away trying to handle my own goddamn SHIIIEEETTT without WHORES problematic people having to.. rawr.  Yes.  That is what I do when I can't find an appropriate word for it/lose my train of thought.  They.. rawr.

Haha.  JUST NOW (as in just this moment), I realized that I have a good amount of self-esteem.  Y'all from my past probably know just how momentous that is.  Haha.    Just wanted to mention that.

Today's lesson: Just as well as you're able to count your blessings, you must also know to let go.

say i'm a fool, say i'm nothing.. but if i'm a fool for you, that's something.

Bye for now.

PS: Phuc has gotten 7541% cooler for various reasons.

The sea, it swells like a sore head
and the night, it is aching
Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed
and the day, it is breaking

On rainy days, we go swimming out
On rainy days, swimming in the sound
On rainy days, we go swimming out

You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
If the sky can crack
There must be some way back
For love and only love

Car alarm won't let you back to sleep
You kept awake dreaming someone else's dream
Coffee is cold, but it'll get you through
Compromise, that's nothing new to you

Let's see colors that have never been seen
Let's go to places no one else has been

It's hot as hell, honey in this room
Sure hope the weather will break soon
The air is heavy, heavy as a truck
We need the rain to wash away our bad luck

Well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back
To love and only love

Baby, don't cry.

Hii.

>.> Dammit, Phuc.  This will be a less active entry because this updating whatnot is ALL OUT OF PEER PRESSURE.  Yeah.  That's right.  Well, today was a groovy day.  xD Two month anniversary of my birthday, hahah.  Woot.  I am not lame.  I swear. 

I am honestly out of whatnot to talk about.  That's pretty amazing.

The way that events catch up on me are absolutely boggling.  An unrequited friendship is suddenly just as important as one that is both ways.  Unrequited love brings stinging feelings that everyone hates, feelings that I've been blessed to not have to go through as of late.  Jealousy replaces admiration. "There is a fine line between recklessness and courage." The world tends to spin around me, and I often feel like I'm in a movie.  The plot is steady at the moment, but it always undergoes an unsuspected twist.  Thoughts linger on my head on and off, yet I stand unfazed, concentrating on joy.  I feel so strong.  Nothing makes sense, I know.  This is me thinking out loud.  This is high school, and this is its story.

I'm in the situation to choose between friends again.  The choice is clear and easy, but to make one happy, you must hurt another, which is something my conscience can't deal with at the moment.  I've been playing my own Devil's Advocate.  I am the classic hypocrite.  I hate you, yet I want you to be happy.  I love you, yet I hurt you.

Yet I remain unfazed?
Oh, how the world spins.

Not very active entry, my foot.

Today's lesson quote: “Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, ‘Hell, what a ride!’” - F. Genera

i'll break my heart in two more times than you can ever do, because you're my dream.. please come true

Bye for now!

Hellooo.

Today, on the way home from school, I had a weird flashback, suddenly springing to mind when I saw a cat runover on the road.  It was summer of last year, and I had just moved here, nearing the peak of the sudden spark to believe in everything and love all.  Every week or two, my parents and I would go to the Costco down the road to fill up on gas.  Every time we pulled into the parking lot, there would a cat, lying on the side of the road, obviously dead, killed by a car.  I named that piece of roadkill; her--I dubbed it a "her"--name was Madeline.  It was because I hated the thought of anything dead to die completely alone and forgotten, with no point to its life.  So I named it, so it wasn't just "that dead cat".  It was Madeline.  She's gone now from that spot.  She's not gone from my mind.  In that sense, she's still alive. 

My mother once told me an old Filipino tradition, that after someone dies, you only honor their death and the one year anniversary of their death.  Afterwards, you don't honor it anymore so that you can forget, and your spirit can move on.  I apologize to her, but if that moment should come, I plan to disobey that ritual.

Memories are many, but some stand few and far between.  Just a hearty mention.  In the spirit of memories, I realize that I've changed so very much these last few months.  I myself can't even pinpoint them, because my view is so subjective.  I am no exclusion to the curse and gift of change.  I don't know as much about myself as I think I do.

But I know this: when I saw that cat in the middle of the street today, for a second, it was nothing but just another carcass.

Today's lesson: Paradise, heaven, ecstacy, and joy all come in many forms.  Likewise, so does hell.

compromise; it's nothing new to you

Bye for now.