Your heart's a mess.
You won't admit to it...
it makes no sense.
But, I'm desperate to connect,
and you can't live like this.
- Gotye, Heart's A Mess
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Today, I visited Google and I felt odd about the keywords in my search.
can a goldfish love
Can a goldfish feel love? When I came home to my goldfish nearly everyday for its six years of life, did its heart ever skip a beat, knowing that I was mere moments away from generously showering her with goldfish flakes? Did Bunnie the Goldfish simply have the occasional rudimentary response of hunger towards external stimuli, or did she, in fact, love me?
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Ahh, the crisp taste of Life in All Its Beauty complemented perfectly by Tumultuous Sadness.
Boldly refreshing, sparking Joy, Joy to Everyone! in every taste bud, followed by a smooth, sobering finish of lol Fuck You.
The highs are high and the good is very, very good. It's been a while since I've updated, and as is usual during these times, my Private page is a mosaic of half-finished posts. The majority of them start with something that echoes, "OMG LIFE IS SO COOL BREH." Here is an example of one, written in mid-January:
You will not believe the dreams that I've lived.
I witnessed the answer to the all-enchanting "What If?" but found my own satisfactions in the sobering traits of reality. There, I found out that sometimes, reality is not all that bad. I tasted reality, and it tasted like 100% raw whimsy. The warmth of hands pressed against each other turns out to be severely underrated. Yes, even with all of its universal acclaim, it is still underrated.
I visited the place where dreams come true. Since my doe-eyed youth, I had dreamt of going back to Disneyland, and finally saw that come to fruition this winter by spending my 22nd birthday there!
I'm really hoping that this will finally be the one blog post to restart all the blog posts, so to actually finish writing a post for once, I'll give the abridged, spazzy, unstylized version of what I meant to write:
DISNEYLAND WAS AWESOME. omfg. omfgofgmofgmfogm. I went with two of my housemates, one of our very good mutual friends, and my Mercedian best friend, and we had such a good time!! I always hoped to go with loved ones and totally did -- I never expected before that I'd end up going with UCM friends! :D One of the best parts was that everyone surprised me with a cake at the end of the first day. The whole time I just kept going, "omfg we're at disneyland on my birthday you guyz" and was nonstop giddy, all day, forever. For days afterwards we reminisced on all the stuff we loved about our trip -- highlights were the Aladdin show, the World of Color show, and... everyone was super entertained by how terrified I was the entire time I rode California Screamin' for the first time ("That is the face of true terror!"). -_____- I grew up with a phobia of elevators so I cried when it was time to ride Tower of Terror, and eventually bailed. .________. omg wussy!!!!! We even got to visit a bunch of UCM alumni that are SoCal natives, so we got to see a lot of old friends again too!!
mah ticket:
^_____________^ weeeeee disneyland~
From a professional standpoint, things have been as equally a blessing! I just nailed a new job that starts next week, and I'm about to start on the homestretch of my research project. I met MC Hammer in the lab, and I was invited back to return to the summer internship that I did last summer!
The shakier parts of my recent life have been in the domains of health and, surprisingly, friendship. They both have the terrible potential to shed a deep overcast over all that is good and excellent, and they've been effectively doing so. These are major things in my life right now, but for now will receive short summaries, very à la TV Guide, since they're touchier, ongoing topics.
For instance, there's nothing quite like sobbing in the middle of the library after my hospital visit, wondering if, with all my various ailments, I'm already going through my midlife crisis. Thankfully, since then, I've received a nearly clean bill of health; it's always a simultaneously good AND worrying sign when the doctor comes into the room and the first thing he says is, "Well, I have good news. Nothing looks cancerous..." (especially when I wasn't expecting any test results related to cancer in any way!).
I'm not too comfortable with diving into that facet of my life any further, but at the very least, I can assure you all that I'm not dying.
In the area of friendship, it's just hard when there's conflict between you and one of your best friends. Right now, there are flashbacks to old times, when I used to weigh Phuc down in the old life.
-- "Am I wearing you thin?"
"Yeah, but it is what it is. Whatever."
Absolutely heartbreaking for me, especially in the homestretch -- our last semester spent side-by-side.
Whether things improve back to perfection or deteriorate even more, you'll hear more about it then.
I have to go now, but that last bit was a downer. So, just to end this post on a more peppy note, here is a monkey emoticon:
@(o･ｪ･o)@
Cheers!
(YESIFINALLYFINISHEDABLOGPOSTYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH)