September 22, 2014
-
the skeptic
And they all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind.
- Echosmith, Cool Kids
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Me:
yeah the whole time i was like no fucking way
like it wasn't even going a little well
it was going like
really well
like suspiciously well
i'm like
no fucking way it's going this well
LOL
i wasn't even trying to not be awkward and he totally was a champ about it
he was like what's up and i was like oh uh sorry i was objectifying you
and i explained to him that while i enjoyed receiving compliments, i was really bad at giving compliments
and so he was like well i got this for both of us then
and told me all these nice things about how he thinks i'm beautiful and he likes my smile
and i was like
uh
if i were to give you a compliment, i would... give you one... now
and he was like
not scared off
LOL-+-
I usually enter a new dating experience with some healthy skepticism. I won't neglect a red flag, but in general, I'll try to play on your team. You have friends and loved ones that see the best in you, so I should try to see that, too. Innocent until proven guilty (Though admittedly, some reach a "Guilty" verdict much faster than others).
Usually, if something seems worth going all-in for, I've never been one to hesitate in playing all my chips. I've always been one to go for the leap of faith. I've convinced myself that humanity deserves that. A few bad eggs shouldn't take away from the theme that overall, humanity ain't that bad.
Lately, however, I've been washed with cynicism that is honestly unlike me. I'll admit, some events this year have given me good reason to be cynical (coughalexcough), but I'm usually super gung-ho about the goodness in mankind and all that jazz. So surmise it to say that I'm surprised at my recent behavior: I'm reacting to everything with a, '...no fucking way.'
Of course, when going into a dating experience, you always want things to go well. This time around, I literally can't believe that things could be going this well. My attitude on the matter is, 'NOPE I GOTTA BE GETTIN PUNK'D OR SUMMIN, NAH WAY MAYN, NOPE'
A considerable part of me is waiting for the punchline, for the "lol jk!!!!!!"
Lemme paint a picture for you.
Meet Drew.
Example 1) He demonstrates exuberant laughter and banters with my corny jokes.
I tried to tell him this gem:
Q: How do you put a zebra into a refrigerator?
A: You open the door and put in the Zebra![Drew: Wait, how does a zebra fit in a refrigerator? Zebras are pretty big. I mean, do you have to sever its limbs to make it fit? I don't think that's ethical, Christa.
Me: SHUT UP. It's like, an industrial-sized refrigerator, then! Those are huge! Those would totally fit a zebra! ok shut up the joke isn't over]Q: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
A: You open the door, take out the zebra, and put in the elephant![Drew: Hold on, now. I think if this is an industrial-sized refrigerator, there would be enough room for both a zebra and an elephant. I don't think you need to take out the zebra if the fridge is that big.
Me: SHUTUP. It's like, a perfectly elephant-sized freezer, then. An elephant would be snug in it. It would just fit one elephant.
Drew: But see, even then, I think if you were to arrange it so that the zebra was underneath the elephant, they could still both feasibly fit in the refrigerator. I just think you could be more space-efficient, Christa.
Me: OMG I'M GONNA FIGHT YOU]
Example 2) Not only is he completely game to meet my friends, but he also has an instinctive understanding that ice cream is my one true love.
Me: My friends invited me clubbing with them tonight, but I have mixed feelings about it since I have work tomorrow... Hm, do you want to come?
Drew: Sure, that sounds like fun!
[...]
Me: Arrgh, maybe we shouldn't go. Cover is super expensive now since I waited until the last minute. Do you want to just do our own thing instead?
Drew: Are you sure? I don't want to take you away from your friends!
Me: Nahh it's chill, I'll just hang with them next time.
Drew: What do you have in mind?
Me: Uhh, well there's a lot of bars in North Park, uhh.. Hm, what else is fun?
Drew: Do you want to stay in and eat ice cream and watch Netflix?
Me: oh dear god i would love thatExample 3) He can hold a conversation about bees.
Drew: What are you thinking about doing grad school in?
Me: Uhh.. so long story.. but uhh. OKAY, you're gonna need some context. So I'm a honey collector, and it kind of spiraled out of control when I moved to San Diego. I was a vendor for the San Diego Honey Company and now I'm a member of the San Diego Beekeeper's Society. I'm really into bees. So I'm actually looking into getting a degree in bee neuroscience. [I wait for classic reaction of laughter and/or disbelief]
Drew: That's awesome! I know everyone is getting really concerned about bees with the rise of Colony Collapse Disorder. [I think, 'wait what he actually has an opinion about bees?'] I remember when everyone was just taking the bees for granted. Someone proposed a future where we lose all of our bees, and that someday, people would need to pollinate their plants by hand. At the time, everyone thought this guy was crazy, because that sounded so impossible. So do you think that's a real, tangible threat?
[Commence full-fleshed conversation about regions of China that are already devoid of bees, so people have to pollinate their own crops there]
Me: WE JUST HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT BEES, THAT'S AWESOMENo fucking way, right?
...
no fucking wai
...
...
so it begins
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Me:
no way it's going this well
it's gotta be a trap or something
it's going way too well
lol oh dear god
am i jaded