The worst possible thing to have at a time like this is restlessness.

You don't get a chance to gather your thoughts, to properly motivate yourself to sleep on it, to wake up refreshed and look at your situation with a new mindset.  If you're lucky enough to sleep sometime late in the small hours, you'll awaken with fatigue and anxiousness.  There's a painfully high risk that the morning will just exacerbate the situation.

I am suffering restlessness at a time like this.

At a time like this, there's one particular question that haunts,

one question that would haunt anyone in my shoes,

"Why not me?  What's wrong with me?"