Yesterday
is not quite what it could've been,
as were most of all the days before.
But, I swear today.
with every breath I'm breathing in,
I'll be trying to make it so much more.

- Relient K, Up And Up

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Leaving work after 13 loving hours in my lab, I was torn.  Should I hit the driving range, go to the gym, or should I run home and work on my lab meeting some more?  As I started whizzing by stoplights, wondering in what direction I should drive my silver sedan, the answer suddenly became obvious: empty my bladder and eat dinner.  Finally handle my human needs.

I'd normally implore myself to slow the fuck down, but after spending so much time running in place, the breathlessness is incredibly refreshing.  Even I'm surprised by how much has happened since my last post, hardly a week ago.

I'm not very religious, but even then, I like to think that when I'm getting it right, like... really right, God goes out of his way to give me a celestial fist bump.  There are good days where after a few good deeds or a few right choices, karma goes into overdrive and gives me the perfect day, the kind where the stars align just right -- all the stoplights are green, I barely make my bus, an onion ring sneaks into my fries, and I suddenly get all the second chances I was secretly praying for.  It's like The Big Guy wants to ever-so-slightly skew the universe in my favor, just enough to communicate, "You go, gurl."

It was shortly before I wrote my last post that I decided to completely re-evaluate the way that I was living my life.  Before then, my priorities became a mess.  My daily routine was abysmal.  Go to work, come home, make dinner, go to sleep.  Go to work, browse online meet-up sites in desperation for friends, meet for dinner, never contact that person again, go to sleep.  Go to work, come home, have a beer, go to sleep.  It was this weird self-pity party that just really wasn't like me.

Since my last post, I've realized how terrible, stagnant, and useless I was letting my days become, and I've since been making strides to fix it.  Incredibly (yet unsurprisingly), when I stopped dwelling on my loneliness with angst and pity, I learned just how much room there was to be happy.

As the poet Matthew Thiessen once said: it's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive.

Good things come in threes, and likewise, I've had three good things come my way within the last week.

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Part I. The Drive

I was sitting in the car with my sister's boyfriend, Patrick, as we waited for my sister to finish salsa dancing.  We made small talk, when eventually the topic gets to golf.  My interest piqued, "You know, I'm looking for hobbies to do, and I forgot that I used to be really interested in golf.  Maybe I'll look into that!"

By the next day, I registered for a golf lesson.  Two days later, I went out and bought a golf shirt.  I started watching golf videos, and I started getting really amped.  I was getting more excited for this than I expected.  I found a hobby!  I was elated.  Reading "Golf Tips for Beginners" and "How To Get Into Golf" was much more rewarding than my habits of Woe-Is-Me!

I got to my first lesson, and I giggled at my instructor, "teehee i no kno how play gulf," and he was extremely supportive, saying that these classes are all PERFECT for beginners, and that if I want to get into golf, there's nothing in my way!  He said I was learning really quickly, and had me quickly proceed to learning top swing.  Compared to everyone else at the lesson, I sucked, but really -- who cares?  I managed to make contact with the ball, and that was enough to make myself really proud.  From my unfamiliarity with golf posture, my shoulders hated me and my back was stiff.  It was awesome, and I loved it.

I read that for newbies, the priority is to learn how to golf before caring too much about golf clubs.  I went out to town and visited various thrift shops, when I laid my eyes on the most gorgeous ghetto piece of shit golf set I've ever seen.  A driver, a putter, irons out the whoop-dee-doo, golf shoes that don't fit me, tees, and golf balls -- all for $4.

I brought it out to the range to figure out wtf is the difference between the different types of golf clubs, and it was the hardest task with the worn-out grips of my "new" golf set.  My full swing was terrible -- my golf club kept slipping within my grip -- and was worse than my horizontal backswing.  But fuck it, it's my first golf set, and that's awesome.

Can you tell I'm growing to like golf?  If that wasn't clear enough, I'm hoping to start a monthly membership for golf lessons -- "You are starting golf the perfect way, Christa.  I've been playing for a year, and I'm still trying to get rid of my bad swing habits."

Anyone wanna be golf buddies? ^~^

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Part II. The Deal

I had finished my first round of golf lessons, and was overall extremely excited about my new ambitions and viewpoints on life.  I started getting in touch with old friends, and was focusing on being content with myself.  I was pretty much paving the way towards a life where I'm grateful for what I have, yet I'm also ambitious towards self-improvement -- much in contrast with my previous methods of being not just dissatisfied, but stagnant.

It was then, at this pivotal point in Christa's Life in San Diego, that the stars banded together and decided, "Let's throw Christa a bone."

You may have read that I like honey, and I'm growing to stay updated with the San Diego local honey scene.  The day after my first golf lesson, I learned that The San Diego Honey Company had a job opening.  At first, I was just, 'Oh, that's neat,' about it, but as I read about the position, I learned that it fit with my schedule.  A Sunday job at a new local Farmer's Market as a honey vendor.  I read it over again, 'Wait, what?'

It just seemed too good to be true.

"Do you know an energetic person who wants a one day a week job? I need someone to set up my booth and sell honey and some skin care products at the market at The Headquarters Certified Farmer Market on Sundays. They would also need to pack up, so it's about 9 am - 3 pm. I'd be there too for a portion of the day to give breaks and boost sales. Pass my email along to anyone who you think would represent me well with a nice big smile and helpful attitude!"

I told my sister and Jacob about the job, and they both insisted that I apply -- what's the harm in just applying?  In my e-mail, I mentioned my adoration towards honey, and I was asked to come in for an interview that Sunday.

At my interview, I met with Rachel, the head of The San Diego Honey Company, and we chatted about standard interviewing topics, such as my experiences in customer service, my schedule, her expectations, an outline of the job description.  We went back to the San Diego Honey Company booth, and she let me have some honey for free (YES!!1!), then she left to re-park her car.  Meanwhile, the remaining woman at the booth was complaining of hunger, and I told her, "Well, if you need to eat, I can watch the booth for a while."

Customers passed by, and I was already armed with the honey conversations that I've longed to have with fellow honey fans for ages.  One man approached the booth with his theory that light honey is always sweeter, and dark honey is always more bitter -- I taught him that acacia honey, while being so pale that it is almost white, has a surprisingly floral taste while I, too, also previously perceived all light honeys to be on the sweeter side.  One woman asked about applications for honey, and I taught her about a cafe viennese -- a lovely latte concoction prepared with cinnamon and honey.  Another woman mentioned allergies, and I told her about the helpfulness of local honey towards attenuating environmental allergy problems.  By the time Rachel got back to the booth, I had made my first sale.

I essentially made my first honey sale during my interview for the honey position!

She gave me free honey lavender soap as a congrats on my first sale.  I shook her hand, "Thank you for considering me!"

Rachel gave me a look of confusion, "No, I think you're hired, actually.  I'll see you next Sunday at 9?"

"YES!!"

I am now the newest vendor of The San Diego Honey Company.  After all these years of honey fandom, I am now officially a part of the local honey scene of San Diego, California.

I told one of my labmates about my prospects as a honey vendor, and he was discouraged, "I wonder how long before it gets tiring."

Tiring?  I am about to spend my Sunday mornings and afternoons getting paid to talk about honey.  I do that all the goddamn time already, and I'm about to do it not just as a girl that likes honey, but as a Honey Girl!  By golly, that's awesome!

This Sunday is my first official day as a honey vendor.  My thoughts?

Baby, I was made for this.

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Part III. The Date

"Alright, I guess I have a middle-school crush on Alex, that's cool, whatever," has been my reaction to life since the day we grabbed a beer together.

In parallel to my decision to stop dwelling on my lonesomeness to focus on myself, I also decided to accept my immature crush for what it was -- an immature crush. We had only gone on a total of six dates, so I spent weeks being in denial towards missing Alex. No way I still miss him. No way! Finally, I just threw up my hands and took it for what it is, "Okay, I guess I like the boy. I suppose that's a thing now."

Interestingly -- much like how my loneliness quelled as I accepted myself for what I am -- as I decided that I have an irresolvable crush on Alex, my longing for Alex also dissipated.  I'm not sure if that's really how it correlates; maybe it's the irony of deciding to like him, or more likely it's the fact that I just wasn't so lonely anymore.  Either way, I did notice that as of late, I've spent less time hoping that I'll bump into him at the cafe, and more time wondering about which variation of mocha to order.

Alex is still cool like school in summertime, so I just settled into my crush on him.  I mean, why not?  A crush on Alex would be practical, after all.  My logic was this: if I let myself have a hopeless crush on Alex, then I won't have any interest in dating, and alas be more comfortable with myself as an individual and have a better ability to focus on work and platonic relationships.  Ta-dah!  Easy formula for a happy single Christa to stay happy with being single.  That's strategy for ya'!

So of course, it was then that I went out to the bars with Julie, and these two guys approach us.  Despite thinking one of them is actually cute with a likeable personality, I was established in my decision to be wholly disinterested in dating.  As a result, I chose to completely ignore the concept of flirting, or even the concept of following norms in social interaction.  Everyone engaged in relatively mature, sensible conversation, whilst I started rambling about Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and spent a lot of time kicking my feet and making faces at everyone.  I ran around giving people high fives, and I zoned out of conversations to enjoy the decor of the bar.  One boy in particular, who was still making a surprising amount of conversation with me, was standing with his feet shoulder width apart.  I announced, "My shoe goes here nao," and I slipped off my ballerina flat between his feet.  He looked me with confusion, and I giggled, "uhuhuhuhu!"

At the end of the night, after all the weird shit I pulled off, he still asked me for my number.  And truly, that was my first time thinking, "Man, this fucker earned my number."  If you still want my number after I spent the evening singing the Pikachu song and literally running around, then yes, go ahead, have my number.  Take it!

I don't know much about him, but clearly, he is accepting of me in my eccentricities, and that is admittedly good foreshadowing.  I met someone kind of cool -- I'll have to wait and see -- right at the moment that I least desired/wanted/needed it.

So lul, I apparently now have a sushi dinner date on Wednesday.

gg