Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow- Passenger, Let Her Go
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Since Jacob left, I've been sporadically texting Jacob pictures of me with his cat. Since then, my visits with Mambo the Kitten have been among the highlights of my daily schedule.
Observe:
"You and Mambo are beautiful!"
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I’m now here, writing this while sitting on Jacob’s bed, without a Jacob next to me.
Since dropping him off at the airport early Saturday morning, life has been a little surreal. I feel like I just woke up from a dream that I’ve been at Disneyland for the last two months – like I’m coming back down from a magical vacation, where life was concentrated whimsy. But as seasons always do, summer had to come to an end. When I’m driving down alone on the freeway, I have flashes of sitting next to him while he flies through traffic. While getting ready to start my day, I suddenly have the vivid image of him brushing his teeth in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. And now, sitting on his bed, it is unreal to turn around and see that he’s not lying here, with me.
On the list of emotional goodbyes, our last day of summer definitely makes it pretty high on the list. I do realize that eventually, time will stop feeling so slow and days will stop feeling so long. But as far as fresh goodbyes go, well…
Man, I really miss that boy right now.
But aside from my pouting, I also wanted to make sure I could document my memories of our last day. It'll be a bland read - not a lot of spark or charisma, just the nitty-gritty episodic memory.
Our last day started simple. I went with him to a haircut appointment, and we had lunch together before he dropped me off at work. Outside of remembering that this would be the last time Jacob drove me to Scripps this summer, the day was almost average. I left work early, and the day felt ordinary until I started walking down the stairs to meet with Jacob outside my building. As my shoes clicked along the laminate floor, I realized that once Jacob picked me up, the countdown would be really starting. I already started tearing up -- bad foreshadowing for the rest of the day. But still, when I hopped into the Big Lexus and saw his handsome mug again, I couldn't help but smile so big!
We took an afternoon nap together so that we could sleep next to each other one last time. I cried big when we were falling asleep, and again soon after waking up. "I'm sorry, I'm so sentimental!" I would pout, but he was always reassuring me, "It's okay, babe. This isn't the last day, we'll see each other again!" I still remember how warm he felt as he spooned me, and how comfortable it was when he wrapped his arms around me. "You don't need a pillow! This is your pillow," he'd say while guiding my head to the nook of his arm.
We woke up in time for his goodbye dinner, and I went out for sushi with Jacob and his parents! Every time I have sushi with them is the best, most enjoyable sushi of my life! But there were some special highlights in our goodbye dinner for Jacob. Like when we were driving there - I sat shotgun to keep Jacob's mom company, fighting his sad pout as he wanted me to sit next to him. He moved in the backseat so that he would be sitting directly behind me, and spent the entire drive with his arms wrapped around me. At dinner, his dad took pictures of us, and his mom asked her son, "Jacob, do you remember when you said you weren't into Asian girls?" I giggle, completely tickled. She turns to me, "You're the one that broke it!"
Jacob puts his arm around my shoulder, "But Christa is especially cute!"
She laughs, "That's true, she is cute."
When dinner is over, Jacob's mom offers that he and I drive on our own back to the house. "I know that this is your last night with Jacob," she tells me. When I tell Jacob, "Dude, your mom totally just had us have alone time together," he replies, "My god, it's like she's a person!"
We get back to the house, and Jacob and I spend time watching Burn Notice, and just chatting and appreciating each other. We go to the store one last time, when Jacob admits, "I'm getting really emotional right now. Christa, why did you get me so attached to you?" Every now and then, I ask him how he is, and he would hold me and reply, "I don't know, I just really want you to come with me to Georgia right now." At around 3 AM, we decide to watch one more episode of Burn Notice, and I sob during the opening credits, realizing that this was the last thing I would get to do with Jacob this summer. "It's okay, baby," he strokes my hair, "don't cry." After the episode, I cry again as Jacob spoons me, and we get to sleep next to each other again.
We wake up at 4:45 a.m. - 15 minutes before he's supposed to leave for the airport. Suddenly, his leaving crashes down on both of us, and it gets so real. Our eyes well up all morning, and he holds me throughout the short drive to the airport.
"We're already here?" I sadly say.
"I know, the drive is too short," he replies, never breaking his embrace.
As we walk Jacob to the terminal, Jacob and I have our last hug of summer - the one we spend so much time dreading. We hold each other tightly, and he whispers to me, "This isn't goodbye, Christa. You're a special girl, and I had an amazing summer with you."
His dad tells us that Jacob has to go, and we finally let go before he walked away. I looked at him fondly as I went down the escalator, and played our last day through my head on repeat as his dad drove me back to Point Loma. I went back to bed, and texted Jacob, "I'll stay up to text you until you board the plane, is that ok?" with my favorite reply being, "Through the windows on the baording ramp, I could see Point Loma and tried to figure out where you are."
As the plane took off, he reminded me how special I am to him before turning off his phone.
That concluded our last day of summer together, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I fell asleep, without a Jacob holding me.