July 23, 2012
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the last stretch of summer
Summer will end, and the leaves will turn again.
- Maroon 5, Fortune Teller
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"I feel like I understand you a lot more now. I have to admit, I've always wondered, 'How is Christa so.. happy all the time?' It's so genuine, yet you're somehow not a dumbass, and it's not even fake like those super annoying overbearingly happy people. You're happy, and yet you're mature. I've been so confused. I get it a lot more now."
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My nights always start with a pitter-patter.
I'm immersed in the warmth of my couch, and there is not a drop of rain outside, but I still feel the pitter-patter. I still feel the nostalgia of rainfall outside my window, no matter what the actual weather is outside.
I still feel the flashbacks. As I drove home from the grocery store today, a piece of litter flew through the wind, and suddenly, I was on my way to Joseph's burial again, where blank pieces of paper were thrown into the wind.
Life feels fresh, but somewhat terribly sobering.
Next to the challenges I've faced in San Diego, my ghost in Merced would be a Greek god in comparison.
In one light, I'm aghast to realized that I only have less than three weeks left to celebrate my research and contribute to my lab. In another light, I'm relieved to know that there is only three weeks left to all the terrible that I've simultaneously been facing.
But late night is a late night.
Time to sleep and awake to a new day.
tooooooooodles