It's a small crime, and I got no excuse.
Is that alright, yeah?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded?

- Damien Rice, 9 Crimes

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"Christa, you need to do something right to get that kind of praise, so in whatever it is you're doing, you're doing something right."

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It's very interesting learning what events make you shudder, "God, damn it.  I just lost a moment."

It's the classic case of regret, of watching your life deviate from a certain path right before your very eyes.  It's funny, what will make a person regret, what can make a person whisper, "What if…?"

As a fledgling, a mere child when it comes to social circles, this is where I see the most hesitation, and its consequent missed opportunities.  I've always been one to learn and adapt quickly, but this is not some story of, "It'll be easier the second time because you've encountered it before."   I barely stopped being a wallflower just two seasons ago, but already I know that I can be a butterfly for years more, and this will still remain an invariant.

Because I can still watch you walk away and not know what to do.  I can still see your profile in the corner of my eye, and not know how to react.  It will always be a window of possibility.  It can get smaller, and it can get more opaque, but it will always loom there, effortlessly.

Because when I turned the corner and saw you, I didn't know what to do.  I can smile and wave, I hug you and start conversation, or I can freeze, and by the time that you are already long out of sight, I still can't decide on an action.  Yet, in both instances, I somehow realize all the same, that I just lost an opportunity.

And then: "God, damn it.  I just lost a moment."