Whatever you do... I still love you.
Blood is always thicker than water.
- Just Jack, Blood
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"Bro, I gotta do it. I gotta change my Xanga layout. It's been ages. It's been years!"
"Does this mean I won't be there in all my bubbly goodness on your page anymore? … It's okay. It was time anyway."
"Yes. I feel like four years after I have quit MapleStory… is time."
Backstory on the banner:
Microbial test to investigate the capacity of fermentation and respiration. Microbes are initally cultured in a green specific media, and the thin white layers are mineral oil, which block oxygen from reaching the media. The media is highly permeable to air, so cells in the test tubes without mineral oil must be capable of respiration, while cells in the presence of mineral oil must be capable of an anaerobic pathway for survival. If the media changes from green to yellow, then that means that metabolism has occurred and the organism is capable of that particular pathway. E.g. the rightmost two test tubes were cultured with the same bacterium, and thus the bacterium was capable of both respiration and fermentation.
TL;DR:
In aspirations to accurately portray myself, I looked for the nerdiest photos I own.
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As I drove along the streets of Elk Grove, I was elated to catch up with my dear high school friend, after not having seen each other in more than half a year.
Every time I uttered a word, she seemed to heave a heavy sigh of relief. The last time I saw her was prior to The Break, so I caught her up on my life and my new love for research. Every sentence I spoke appeared to assuage her of seven months of worry.
I used to be fairly passive in our conversations, and I used to be very nervous about spending time with her. I didn't have many close friends in high school, so whenever we would spend time together during those years, it was always the biggest deal for me -- "I'm actually making… a friend?!" I remember how clammy my hands would get, because I was so nervous that I would do something that would screw everything up and ruin our friendship. It was as bad as First Date Jitters.
But this time, I was just excited to see her again -- no anxiety, no worry, and no jitters. I was excited for her to meet the new me. I told her, "Yes, you may recall that I was pretty kept to myself before, but the break-up drove me to become more social. It's quite natural to me now. I've actually experienced a lot of self-improvements." She enthusiastically replied, "I can tell! You're really diving into things well now, Christa!"
(S-s-s-score!)
Eventually, one of the topics that inevitably came up in conversation was our respective break-ups this year. She described, "Yeah, so after our break-up, I went through my Dark Era…"
She said the last two words with a tone of, "You went through a break-up too, so you know what I'm talkin' about!!"
Except... I didn't. I was confused for quite a bit. It took me another second after that to realize what that says about myself. I pondered it over, and realized that my so-called "Dark Era" lasted the total of about two days, when I very immediately sought to pick myself back up, and then never looked back. I recalled how much everyone kept insisting that it was okay to just hole myself up in my room for a few weeks and just be sad, and how much I refused to listen. I recalled how much I pushed myself from the very start, and it made me smile. Because it worked. It worked like hell.
(D-d-d-double score!)
When we arrived at the restaurant, it should've felt strange. It was the exact same group of friends, minus one. There was usually a boy sitting next to me that would have his arm around me, while I quietly listened to conversations in introversion. He wasn't there this time. And this time, neither was my introversion. I had my priorities straight, and my focus was on, "I... HAVE MISSED... THE HELL OUT OF YOU!"
Guiltily, I woke up that morning with a motive: "I will show them that I am doing amazingly. I will show them that I am not the same girl that they knew seven months ago." It was very new for me to share my input and engage in storytelling with this particular group, but I immersed myself as much as possible. And for the most part, it felt so natural. It felt so organic.
Except at one point, they asked, "So what's new with everyone?"
As an awkward turtle by nature, it felt obligatory for me to say, "Well, uh, there's that one thing that everyone already knows about, haha!"
"Hahaha!"
"Hm? I don't get it."
-- "UHH, that Phuc and I broke up!"
"Oh, THAT. EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THAT."
"Way to be blunt, man!"
"JUST SAYIN'."
-- "Haha, well yeah, I figured! I just realized that I actually haven't seen you guys since before we broke up, so... that's actually something new that's happened since I last saw any of you!"
"That's right, huh?!"
Then, rather than crickets chirping, my other friend contributed an anecdote about Phuc, which caught me off-guard. I wasn't sure if she was aware that it was the first time I've ever heard ANYTHING about Phuc since The Break. Externally, I just nodded and smiled, feigning a look of mild interest; on the inside, my heart was in my throat. It was just so... weird for me. I became so accustomed to living a life completely parallel of his, that hearing his name in stories was such a strange experience. 'So that's how he's doing, huh? Yeah, that sounds like him.'
After we all hugged each other goodbye, I wondered if anyone will ever awkwardly bring me up in anecdote when chatting with Phuc, as unlikely as that might be.
I just know that if it ever happens, his mental reply won't be, 'Yeah, that sounds like her.'
It'll be more along the lines of,
'... Wow. Damn.'
