"Christa, you are the clumsiest, nerdiest, most scatterbrained person that I have ever met in my entire life."
"That's an exaggeration, right?"
"It's really not.  No.  You literally are.  And I used to feel like I was the messiest eater out of all my friends.  ... I don't feel that way anymore."
"WHAT, NOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!!"
"Aw, there's your turtle face! That's so precious."

-+-

I don't know if I'm ready for this.

My best friend at Merced is moving away today. He's going to pick me up and drive me to school, and that will be the last time I see him before he moves away.

Yesterday was our last time hanging out together, and today, I actually woke up feeling like a piece of me was missing. It was so strange, so unfamiliar, so subtle, yet so heartbreaking. It was like a part of me was just... missing. I feel like we were the stars of a buddy cop film, and I just lost the Chris Tucker to my Jackie Chan, the Starsky to my Hutch.  I couldn't help but lie in my bed and cry. I restlessly woke up early in the morning, hoping that more time awake would make time go slower and prolong the inevitable, that it would prolong our goodbye.

"Christa, what are you going to do when I leave?  Who else is going to go on adventures with you?  Who else knows all your faces and can call you out on all your bullshit?  But I hope that I built you up, and I hope that I left a good impression on you."

Every time he used to ask me those questions in the days leading up to today, I never knew what to say, because I really didn't know.  A partner in superhero work is a lot to lose.  We would assemble rescue teams to save damsels in distress, e.g. drive them home from the store when they missed the bus.  He taught me how to mobilize all of my, "Someday, I want to..."s and actually go out and just do it.  So we would travel together on spontaneous adventures, and explore the museums that I spent years longing for, or drive an hour just to retrieve him a jar of his favorite beef jerky.  

It was truly a friendship that was unlike anything that I've ever had in my entire life.  He was just such a cheerleader, and he would always try to build me up.  He taught me to never compromise my integrity and values, to realize that I'm an amazing girl and I should never settle for a "loser," to adore the person that I am and to never change for anyone else.  

"Never let a man determine your worth, Christa.  Only you can do that."

It wasn't until I met him that I remembered how I love to cook, how I love to bake, just how much I love cheesy things.  It wasn't until I met him that I felt like research was where I should be, and that I'm capable enough to pursue it.  I got to spend the last two months feeling like I was just the most amazing and unique girl in Merced, and I have him to thank for that.

Well, it's time to get ready.  Then in less than an hour, it will be our goodbye.

"What am I gonna do when you leave?!"
"Uh.... probably cry."

>_>;