Day: October 1, 2011

  • october

    Let's skip the charades;
    you're seeing right through me anyway.
    Can we just speak plain?
    We're playing for the same team,
    but I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong,
    you're the one acting like nothing's wrong.

    - Cold War Kids

    -+-

    "Christa, you're a trip and a half."
    "A trip and a half?"
    "Yes.  You're a trip and a half.  I don't know what universe you're from, but wherever that universe is, it's a trip and a half away, because you're a trip and a half."
    "WHY" 

    -+-

    "I want to come on the adventure!"
    "It's not even an adventure."
    "Yes, it is!  Everything's an adventure!  Life is an adventure!"

    I don't know why I'm so surprised that I got exactly what I asked for.  I had an immense moment, and I don't think anyone felt it but me.  It didn't sink in until afterward, but I realized...

    I met myself.

    I met her, and I shook my head, and I had so much pity for her, I had so much grief for her, I had so much cynicism towards her, and after all was said and done, I realized that it was me.  It was me.

    There's a lot about the two of us that are very obviously dissimilar.  In fact, I know very little about her.  There's really only so much you can gather in the span of a fifteen-minute meeting.  But she was a sweet girl, and so naive.  So naive that she received my sadness, disappointment, hope, promise, and judgment all at once.

    She'll never know that she is my Ghost of Christa's Past (haha! get it!?), and we may never meet again.  But it was a necessary moment.  The moment that I shrugged her off, only to realize that it was me.

    I've gone through many trials of building myself up and enduring wave after wave of heartbreak.  It has made me hardy and cynical.  It has made me into a person that will derisively laugh when I meet a girl that is as ignorant and idealistic as I used to be.

    But lesson learned.  Move forward with a more open mind.  I used to be her, but look at me now.  I'm turning out fine, and hopefully it'll continue in that manner.  I'm disappointed in myself for being so narrow-minded.  She's just going through the same mistakes that I once made, she's just experiencing the errors of love.  

    You just have a broken heart, poor girl.  You'll get through it, too.  You're okay.

    We'll get through it.

    We'll both get through this long October.