Hello, world.

It was weird today, when I looked around my school, at the people surrounding me, and realized that I loved the place I was currently in.  My classes (and my after school activities) have good people, great people, and it blows me away.  I do think that my Biology group deserves acknowledgement.  They were "F" students, did nothing but copy and fail tests.  Then I would NOT give up on these people because Nic, a kid that should've been on the J.V. football team but had bad grades, actually tried, but everyone shrugged him off; borrowed my notebook now and then to study my notes when not obligated to and he asked me to give him tips on test-taking and always seeked clarification for what he didn't understand.  Today, they did everything on their own, finished first in class without any of my help, and were so astoundingly proud of themselves.  They're all "C" students (and rising) now.  They're very groovy.  And the play, don't even get me started on the cast of the play.  I'm confused on whether my role in the school play is "stage manager" or "official groupie".  I just adore them.  They're such fantastic people.  I can't even describe.

I sold myself out and became a temporary paragon of evil through an urge.  I will not be surprised if my life becomes ruined.  And I will not break, nor will I fall.  I deserve what I'm going to get, and I'm going to try my best to not crumble under the weight of the world against me.

PEOPLE, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU ALL NEED TO UNDERSTAND!
Life is hard.  Deal with it.
I can't deal with it.  I can't understand.  PFFFFFT.

And I greatly recommend Janet Tashjian's "The Gospel According to Larry" and "Vote for Larry."  SO GOOD!  I finished "Vote for Larry" in one sitting.  "The Gospel..." is about an 17-year-old boy, Josh, that's secretly a online guru; he blogs online about anti-consumerism under the alias of "Larry", the website becomes nationally famous--thousands of hits a day, riots against consumerism start occuring throughout the country because of him, and even Bono becomes a fan of his site and involves in a concert in dedication to Larry.  However, no one has ANY clue that Josh is "Larry," not even his father or his best friend.  Very cool.  "Vote for Larry" is the sequel, in which Larry runs for President.  Oh, yes.

Today's lesson: You're hella cool.  Yes, YOU. 

it feels so much colder when you cry on your own shoulder

Bye for now.

Sermon #113

Okay--this sermon is off the usual topic, but I've got to talk about it anyway.

Can we talk about phonies?  About people who pretend they're your best friend--no, they ARE your best friend--until somebody better comes along?

People climbing their way up the social ladder are just as bad as people climbing their way up the corporate one.  Moving from one clique to another, checking out the people on the next rung, working their way up like freaking caterpillars until one day--poof!--they leave one rung for good, on to bigger and better things. Then they get rejected in the new clique, of course, and come slithering back to their friends on the lower rung.  And you're supposed to sit there like some dope guarding seats at a concert, never realizing your friends found a better section and have left you behind.

Well, I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of welcoming the same old people back into the fold.  Hey, once you make the choice to move on--move on!  Don't come back when your new friends leave, don't come back when somebody breaks up with you, don't come back when you want to feel like yourself again 'cause you're tired of spending all that energy trying to act like somebody you're not and you just want to be accepted by people who always liked the real you.

Tired of keeping up the front of being some witty, gorgeous, happy, considerate person you're not?  Tired of waiting for your "new" friends to appreciate your inner self?  Well, too bad.  Take two aspirin and DON'T CALL ME IN THE MORNING.

From "The Gospel According to Larry" by Janet Tashjian

Hey 'dere, buuuuddies.

Whooo!  Watched a kick-butt play at MTHS last night called "Runt", written and performed by Michael Edwards.  Very poignant play about the painful, deep relationship of a son and his father.

It's almost a frightening thing for people to believe in you.  I mean, not the fun encouraging type, but when they trust you with the world in your hands.  When someone's life lies in your hands, and it's your decisions on whether they live or die.  At one point or another, everyone--everyone--is put on a pedestal by someone else.  Some people relish in it.  Some people have their palms sweating, afraid that they'll fall off.  It's a long way down to nothing at all, y'know.

Grace is absolutely fantastic. The girl and the word. Nevermind, she's a bitch.

I'm terribly bad at supplying info on this site about upcoming shows, but I'm good at a fast, almost useless note about shows that have already past. So okay, who watched Conan O'Brien on Thursday?!  ANYONE?!  I IM'ed everyone that was on in the middle of the night to watch it (see, I'm trying.).  U2 had the ENTIRE hour to themselves.  It was like a fine work of art.  You can catch clips and info on the show here.  (I liked when Conan interviewed the fans, so check that one out.)
"The Edge will admit that he wears a knitted cap to take the attention off of Bono's crap sunglasses."  I loved that.
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!  © Warner Bros (I don't want to get sued, now.)

Today's lesson: I have a mouse, Algernon, and a cat, Skechers.  And Algernon can kick Skecher's ass.  (The most poignant lesson EVER, I know!)

a small town is like a small stage for teenagers and their drama; instead of showing shows, they'll be showing plays.. like 90210 without the Beverly Hills

Bye for now.

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." -Anatole France

Things I want to do before I die (goals may be added, may be erased in case of realization of "oh crap, that's a tad impossible", and may be helped achieved through the help of friends because i can't do it all on my own.    In fact, any one of these would be THE birthday present. oh hecks yeah.):

1. Ride a pig.  Put a saddle on that hog and ride it like a horse.

2. Go to New York City and walk around Times Square.  Maybe I can ride the pig around while touring there.

3. See (or maybe even own) license plates from all fifty states.  Owning them IS possible without buying a car in every state (which, was in fact, the original plan), I realize.  A gift shop at Las Vegas sold Nevada, and although I lacked the money to buy one, I walked up to the cashier and stated, "I love your store.  Thank you."

4. Learn to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata or have it played to me.  Yes, just for me.    I'm just that special. I love Phuc so much.

5. Change at least one person's life.  It's on the verge of being a "cliche," but with good reason.  It's a good goal to have.

6. Save one person's life.  (Much different from changing one.)

7. Finish writing one quality novel.  Preferably the Great American Novel of the 21st Century.  What?  A gal can dream.

8. Work at Albertson's and/or Target at least once.  You read that right.  It's a life goal.  What?  I'm not crazy, I swear. (the fact that i'm answering a question that's not been asked is proving otherwise, however..)

9. Stay at the MGM Grand at Las Vegas, the Clarence in Dublin, Ireland, and/or (preferably "and") the Nine Zero in Boston.  If none can be achieved, I am happy with being bought a terry bathrobe from the Nine Zero, a shirt from the MGM Grand, and slippers from the Clarence.  =)

10. Say "I love you" and mean it.  'Nuff said.

11. To finish a 500 or 1000 piece puzzle!

12. To go the Alum Rock Park in San Jose. I went there for a field trip in the third grade and have wanted to go back ever since. :3

nothing much to say, i guess; just the same as all the rest--been tryin' to throw your arms around the world.

Hola! Take that, all you French-as-foreign-language-takers.  Pfft.

(I feel like something NEW!)
Song of the Day: Nil Lara - Fighting for My Love

WHOA!  I HAVE A PART IN THE PLAY!  At least maybe (yeah, maybe; i got you excited for nuttin'); I'm the understudy in case if Lysander's not Lysander and they need to rearrange Flute and Snout, so I might be Snout the tinker.  (Read Midsummer's Night Dream?  Then you understand.)  Hey, that sounded a lot less complicated than it did in my head.  >.>; But to be honest, if it forces me out of being Stage Manager, I MIGHT not do it.  Something about the idea of it all; there's a lot more adrenaline in running around backstage telling everyone to get in their places and Damn it! Turn down those lights, there's a show! and be able to watch the show in the far corner of the room, giving a reassuring smile like in those movies than in standing on the stage holding up my fingers to make a chink.  I dunno.  I just relish more in being the backbone than the.. thing that isn't the backbone.  Everyone who knows me knows that.  But tee-hee.  I might be a rude mechanical.

"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." St. Matthew 10:39.  Because it demanded to be said.

It's interesting how fast it can be for some people to fall in love.  Note that I didn't say, "It's interesting how fast it can be for some people to say that they're in love."  Because some people aren't simply throwing around their heart like it was a toy.  They're really in love.  After just two weeks, two days, two dates, I dunno.  Maybe I'm wrong; maybe it's a foolish infatuation ALWAYS and there's never an exception.  I'm in no place to give my opinion on it because I've never been in such a situation.  But I'm free to express my amazement on the topic, because it is amazing.  I criticize and I criticize over people quickly proclaiming 'love', because who can possibly fall in love that quickly?  People do.

I'm still in complete awe of the world that still teaches me, touching all aspects and ideas.

But yeah. I believe in love.

AND WHO WATCHED "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE"?!  Ohhh yyeeeeah, Nick won.  I'm among the kids that stayed up all night voting for Nick on speed dail.  I <3 him.  (damn right, I just used the infamous <3; he's just that fabulous)  I lurve Melody too, and I was so happy that she got at least second.  Yayy!

I need to start having better themes in entries. I always tend to have entries that are really bizzare; like talking about the amazement of love and then about "So You Think You Can Dance" (where i thought it was simply the COOLEST thing when the host danced, too!  Ryan Seacrest, eat your heart out.) and maybe some about death and then about Larryboy.  Huhm.

Today's lesson: Talk in the way that you emit sophistication, wit, imagination, worldliness, and humor, but move in the way that the only thing that matters is being YOURSELF--what? what did you say about sophisication, wit.. oh, I forgot the list.  Just go ahead and dance.

i'm not trying to be a nuisance; i just think we can do better than this.  that was simply my two cents.. take it or leave it.

Bye for now.

SHALOM, kiddos.

I shall open this entry with awesome news.  We Are The Champions by Queen has been voted the world's favourite song.  Damn right.

Now, I'm going to do something so unthinkable, so daring, so blisteringly unimaginable.. I'm going to say the most inappropriate thing I've ever said in an entry.

..Sex.

There.  MIND-BLOWING, I KNOW!  It's just for the ratings, really. I mean, that's all on television now (because damn, blogs and TV are so alike).  Sex and vulgarity.  It's all the rage.  The highly vulgar and inappropriate South Park's available on broadcast television to any hyper rebel five-year-old that stays up late and I remember coming across a television show with what was roughly a three minute sex scene at eight o'clock in the evening.  I know eight-years-olds that sleep at nine.  I wasn't really too distracted by this well-known topic on television until South Park went on UPN.  I personally, mind you, love that show.  It's great fun and so hilariously wrong.  However, and I admit that it's fairly reasonable because it's towards the midnight timeslot, it shocked me that it would be available on broadcast television.  I mean, South Park is like.. the epitome of not-child-friendly television programming.  And I personally miss old-school Simpsons.  I used to sit down with my parents and watch the Simpsons but now I can't anymore (yes, with me at fourteen) because they say it's too risque now.  I never had to put up with this Godawful mind-staining when I was a child -- I never heard the word "ass" until I was in the second grade and never knew what it meant until I was in the fourth, and I didn't even know what sex was until--honest to God here, cos' I was a fairly good kid--I was twelve.  And now, at Albertsons, I overheard a young boy, probably no older than seven or eight, point at a young woman further down the aisle and say to his friend, "I'd like to hit that.  Check out that rack."  You have gotta be kidding me, society.  Please tell me that you're kidding me.

(To be honest, I just spontaneously said to myself, "I'm going to do something bizzare and say 'sex' in my next xanga entry and just move on like nothing happened." but look!  I made some deep thoughts afterwards.  I'm hecka good.)

Finished reading "Crow Lake" by Mary Lawson.  I recommend that ALL OF YOU read it.  It's a good book.

Had so much fun on Saturday!  The Little Women musical was a blast.  I met up with Mrs. Choate, her son Bob (YES!  I NOW KNOW SOMEONE NAMED BOB!) and her granddaughter Alex (if anyone reading this was in Mrs. Choate's kindergarten class, you remember Alex as the fun little girl that Mrs. Choate brought in every so often).  So I remember Alex as the little four-year-old while I was the superior five-year-old, in kindergarten and everything while she was just in preschool.  I always never took the time to realize that she was JUST a year younger than me.  Saturday I was blown away.  Okay, everyone: Alexandria Choate psychologically kicks my ass at maturity and worldliness.  And she's uber pretty, it's not even funny.  I came up to her and was like, "OMIGAWD!  YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!"  I was overwhelmed.  She's also in a performing choir/dance group, travels nationally regularly, and often plays parts in school plays and more professional community plays.  I got nothin' on her, and I keep getting flashbacks of secretly feeling better than her when I was five.  Eat your heart out, kindergartener with a superiority complex.  Also, it was a lot of fun when we had dinner.  Mrs. Choate, as you all know, was my kinder/first grade teacher, Bob Choate is currently teaching 7th/8th grade Language Arts and Social Studies, and Alex's mom is a teacher at a Christian High School.  It's all a big crazy family of teachers.  I relished in the conversation at dinner at IHOP; they were talking about their students and former students.  We were talking about the beautiful students made up of unique mixtures of nationalities (and of one kid who's mom was Irish and dad was Japanese but his primary language was Spanish), counting all the times that we had run-ins with kids using drugs at school, and they were mentioned students that stood out to them.  And I was entranced at this idea that teachers actually mention you to other people.  They just go, "I have/had this one student, her/his name was _______, and she/he was just a blast. I mean, one time.."  Beforehand, the idea of that kind of thing was just a myth.  That teachers don't REALLY talk about their students, like pfft, they don't wanna talk about those gruesome monsters at work that talk while they're talking.  I now know what a load of bull that is; I spent an hour dinner just listening to two teachers rant about their students and of anything between how great they were or to how stupid it was that they brought marijuana to an assembly where there would be a police dog that was in charge of sniffing out drugs.  A-mazing.  Now, this paragraph is getting a little too large and it intimidates me.

NEW TOPIC!  OKAY, SO THERE'S LIKE THIS NEW PUPPY AN--

::clears throat::

LOL (aka the blog joke that everyone's sick of but will never wear out in my mind).  Someone is my biggest fan.

Today's lesson:  There is some acknowledge needed to be aware that the saying, "You can do anything if you really set your mind to it." is really just a big lie.  But we need to find reassurance in that saying.  We don't know what to do otherwise.

i can't let you know where i am, or else you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been

Bye for now.