September 19, 2005

  • Yo.


    Instinct gives promise that something very wrong will happen, and I'm really hoping that my gut just really likes to lie.  I'm torn between the unfortunate decision of tomorrow and yesterday, of next year and the year after.  I know I'm not making sense.  Whatever.  I've lied to you.  I suppose we're even because you've lied to me too.  I want to put on my headphones and drown out the world.  I'm not sure if I care anymore, or want to care.  I'm afraid to care.  Alas, I can feel myself fading away, and it's difficult to cope with.  It's not a shock to me; I've fought.  I'm losing.  I never thought I'd sink back here.  It's no one's fault.  It's just a bit hard to look in the mirror.  Lie to me the next time you see me.  Pretend that everything still matters.  When I can't look at the world and instantly see happy tomorrows, promise me that someone will.  While I'm on sick leave, dealing with the usual problems that adolescents go through, promise me that I'll return.


    I never thought I'd finally snap.  All I can do is bandage the wounds, and I promise, I'll heal.  I wear my heart on my sleeve with no regrets.  We all need someone to compensate for the aloofness and distance that the rest of the world has to offer.


    Give me, like, just two or three days (i know, i'm hella good).  I just need happy people and happy thoughts and happy IMing and happy e-mails and not fucking up for a while.  You'll notice that happy conversations isn't included.  What?  I'm really boring in person, come on now.


    Maybe I just need more people signing the ONE declaration, lol.  That's right, "laugh out loud".  It just...doesn't seem that cool-looking on blogs than on instant messaging, especially with the implication that I'm laughing at my own joke.  Maybe that's what I'll do (i mean, the ONE thing not the laughing at my own joke thing).  Once we fix-up the Hurricane Katrina crisis, I'll go crazy with the ONE campaign (so many people at my high school have never heard of it and it pisses me off).  It's honestly, as pathetic as it may be, the one concrete motivation in me finding friends here in MTHS, regardless of all the drama and chit-chat and awkwardness that I'll inevitably be involved in.  I mean, whose passion are you going to believe in, that of a flier handed out to you or that of your best friend?  And really, can you believe that almost no one at my school's heard of the ONE campaign!  Even after Live 8!  ARRGH!  I mean, c'mon, we're the MTV/VH1 generation, how do you not know?!


    Okay, so who watched the Emmys last night?!  Show of hands!  ::Christa raises her hand::  Oh my GOD, so we all know by now that I'm a big fan of both Scrubs (Season 1 currently on sale and Season 2 on sale Nov. 15!) and House (Tuesdays on 9/8c on FOX!), so we can only imagine my delightful shock when both Zach Braff and Hugh Laurie went onstage together to present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, where I'm fairly sure that I cried.  What?  It was really really beautiful.  Like a work of art.  And on that note, I'm pretty sure that we can only imagine me when neither Zach Braff nor Hugh Laurie won in their respective categories of Best Actor, where I'm fairly sure I let out a long, annoying wail.  ::sniffs in recollection of yesterday's events::


    Holy shit!  I got the highest test score in my Bio class out of 45 students!  I got a 48/50 and the only student that maintained an average A+ in the class.  I was really shocked, I mean.. I was looking (a little bit too much) for a mistake that the scantron corrector missed or something, but no. YESSS!  I STILL GOT IT!!  Whoo!  Now when bullies start bossing me around to copy my homework, I have no one to blame but myself..


    I swear, my voice in anything other than calm, I realize, is very annoying.  I mean, it's so nasal and whiny!  How can anyone tolerate talking to me?  I probably wouldn't be able to, I'm sure..


    ..That is all.


    Today's lesson: Photography kicks ass.  I mean, check out this guy's photography gallery from DeviantART.  It's like.. dude.  Whoa.


    you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find.. you get what you need


    Bye for now.

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